Symptoms of Alcoholism observed regardless of not being a heavy or regular drinker

My life instances make me accept that I’m an Alcoholic.

(Due to privacy reasons the name, date and place has been changed)

Hi! my name is Amrit and this is my story about how the instances in my life and situations took me to AA (Alcoholics Anonymous) room. Having a close look at Alcoholic’s lifetime experiences, I realized that I’m not drinking as much as they are, but my life and family is affected i.e. very much similar to what I’m listening.

It’s all started with a glass of beer, which my uncle offered me. Then after sometime I occasionally used to take drinks. With time my capacity of increased and I used to drink regularly at 3 or 4 drinks every night. For sometime I stick to the same, then the number of drinks increased to around 6 or 7. Mostly I used to had my Vodka with juices to avoid the smell. Even at my home nobody knows that I’m a regular drinker.

I still remember that 4 to 5 times in my drinking history, those blackouts were really bad. It was regular but only at nights before having dinner. The things were going smoothly, without any sort of mess around. But, actually these are severe symptoms to Alcoholism (initial stage towards Alcoholism)

Now came another part of my life, I got married. After marriage I was not at all a regular drinker, it was like from every day to some day. It was like I’m going to quit this slowly and steadily as my wife just hated alcohol. Whenever I used to drink, she just simply stop talking to me and after sometime it came to normal.

In the past almost 3 years of my marriage, she left me thrice because of alcohol. And here came into existence my habit of day drinking. Or simply in other words I can see the symptoms of Alcoholism within me, but unable to accept that. Every time I missed her so much that i used to drink day and night. I mean whenever I came into sense after drinking, I again felt like drinking again and again. I just don’t want to be in my senses, so that I can forget everything and get a nap.

Last year 4th of June 2018 she left me at went to her Mom’s place, leaving me all alone. After sometime I went over there twice or thrice, but she never talked to me and didn’t even looked at me. So I finally decided that I’ll not call her or message her, as she never used to reply. It’s almost 4-5 months we were not in contact and things went on. I was deeply into alcohol, alcohol and alcohol.

In the mean time I started a training program as wanted to start something new in my career. After sometime a cousin of her’s approached me and we met and had some talks. But she simply denied and said that she’ll come back, but not now. That was a full stop for me. But because of my training program I only used to drink before dinner. I kept on drinking until I got Blackout. These all are the symptoms of Alcoholism as everyone close to me were observing, except me.

After sometime, I felt like talking to her calmly and asking her to come back. I did it, but her answer was same that I’ll, but not now. My night drinks continued. Now, we used to meet outside once in a week or two and the things were going on. Now I always used to tell her to come back, but she was sticking on her words “NOT NOW”.

Then after long, on 6 Feb. 2019 evening I went to pick her up from her Mom’s place. Since morning she kept on telling me “I’m not feeling like coming back”. Our deal was like I’ll take care of my drinking habit and she’ll take care of everything else. Things went smoothly for some days, but one day I got some drinks. She didn’t utter a word with me for not even asking me to have food. It was all silence at home, as my Mom was not even at home for few days.

Then after that things came to normal and I was happy. But then one day at the end of Feb. 2019 I again had it. She called her family at night and told them that she don’t want to be here with me. Then in the morning she went to her work and from there she went to her Mom’s place. To be very honest, I already knew that this is going to happen.

I always knew that if I’ll drink, this is going to happen and I’ll be suffering more than anyone else. But still I get out for the same one day or other.

Here came the day when I went to A.A. meeting. “I’m going to quit alcohol at any cost” that’s what I had exactly in my mind. Alcohol took everything away and now it’s my turn to pay back and take this thing out of my life. First two days in the meeting I went there, but my drinks were on. There only I realized these symptoms of Alcoholism and I accepted “I’m an Alcoholic”.

I remember the date 1 Feb. 2019, I stopped it, with a stronger reason to quit alcohol. Now, this miracle happened to me. Its almost a month now and I never felt any kind of urge towards alcohol. I thank God for to help me with this and that too in worst situation.

Honestly, didn’t know why and how The Higher Power is helping me? It can be my mother’s, sister’s or may be mine prayers that are being answered. I also thank my wife because she played a major role in what I’m right now.

I can see the fruits of my sobriety in my Mom’s eyes now. My Mom and sister always hated the bad in me but never hated me for that. And here is the result which I don’t have to show off to anyone. Everyone who cares for me can see it in me. Till now with God’s grace and my efforts, I’ve won over those symptoms of Alcoholism. Now I can proudly say that I made it. But I have to be very careful, as it’s an non-treatable disease. And it’s also a saying “An Alcoholic is always an Alcoholic.”

Now, I’m sure that my decision, their blessings and Art Of Living’s Sudarshan Kriya will never let me pick up that glass of poision.

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